Why Figueroas shouldn't travel 5/13/03 


There is nothing like a writer who forgot to pack a pen.  I had to waste $3 (should have been two…would have been more fitting-think about it) to buy one while I was waiting at BWI where I am writing this BTW.  Of all the inconvenient times to get a writing rush.  I was THIS close to buying crayons to write this, but then I would have to scan that and show it to you…and well I don’t have a scanner…yet…


So…here I am at BWI where I arrived about 1 hour ago (nice and punctual, unlike my wedding).  I’m on an American Airlines flight.  American Airlines is getting fancy, despite the fact that all the other airlines have been in the red since 9-11.  I say this because when I came here I saw they had a new self check-in device.  It’s for anyone that uses e-tickets (domestic). 


I love self check-ins and check-outs.  Kmart and Giant food stores made my day when they installed them at their stores.  No more would I have to wait on line for eternity while someone took five minutes to ring up one item for the person three people ahead of me.  I could just walk-up, ring it up myself, swipe and go…Granted sometimes I got stuck behind some idiot in self checkout who saw it and said “Hey, this is a short line.” Then realized they didn’t know how to work it.  After waiting for them FIVE MINUTES, I would just ring their order up for them (teach you to use self checkout and not know how to use it) But all-in-all, self checkout good.


Self check-in at American Airlines, however---bad.  I become a complete idiot at these things (kinda like my mom trying to surf the internet).  At the self check-in, I become this clueless check who never saw a keyboard before.  First off, there is this screen in front of me that says “swipe credit card we swear we won’t charge it we just want to scare you with the possibility we will” (well not really that, but something like it).  Right now I’m frozen.  I had expected to present my itinerary and photo id.  I had it all out in my hand like a good little girl.  There were NO SIGNS talking about needing a major credit card out and ready…my chi has been disturbed.  Suddenly, I've became this bumbling, fumbling girl trying to sift through my bag for my MasterCard.  Disarray ensues.  I find my card and swipe it...sweet.  I follow the on screen instructions, not that hard...WRONG.  Wrong buttons are pressed and cancels later, I get to weigh my bags..."Please untie the cosmetic bag from the suitcase miss, they have to be separate." DUH!

So next I'm directed to the new handy dandy notebook, er, I mean x-ray machine (if you never suffered through Blues Clues you won't get that joke).  "What you don't just take the bags anymore?" (Oh mind you, I had to pull out my id AGAIN during this and the computer spit up my paper thin boarding pass...) So, I had to collect all my belongings, put away my boarding pass (not my id, I needed that) and my credit card...wait...'where's my credit card??'  One heart attack later, I found my cc in my bag...where I put it AFTER I was done with it (why that made sense).  I went to give my bags to the X-ray machine goddesses.  They took them, smooth sailing from here, er flying.

So here I am 20 minutes from Miami.  My ears are popping and my sinuses are threatening to blow my head up.  Furthermore, the plane has simulated Great Adventure's Rolling Thunder on a few occasions.  Still, it's all good.  I'll be on land soon and I will spend some relaxing time in Miami.  No clue what I'm going to do besides be my cousin Mamita's confirmation sponsor and watch Anime, but that's cool with me.  I'll probably try to work on my research paper (HAahhahah) and read some demography (ROFLMAO).  One final down (physical geography) two to go (woohoo).

Quick impression of my mom and her sisters on a flight to Puerto Rico

Aunt Lucy: "Hey let's play hangman."

Aunt Carmen: "Okay"

Mama Helen: "Okay"

...2 thousand guesses and 10 hangmen later...

Mama Helen: Ooo-oo, I wanna guess...Annie Mae (I'm making this up you know)

Aunt Carmen: How did you know that?

Mama Helen: Cause I have the Annie Mae bracelet you stole from Tia Feli

Aunt Carmen: You have that bracelet?  You stole it from me!

(imagine loud voices on an airplane)

Mama Helen: Na-ah, I stole it fair and square from you because you stole it from Tia Feli!

Aunt Carmen: Did not!

Mama Helen: Did too! I saw you.  I told you not to do it!

Aunt Carmen: Then why didn't you give it back?

Mama Helen: Because Tia Feli would think I stole it.

Aunt Carmen: You did!

Mama Helen: Did not!

Aunt Carmen: Did too!

Mama Helen: You bitch! You stole it!

Aunt Lucy: I don't know these two!


Oh I'm landing--later! Gotta put my tray and seat up (should I steal the blanket?...nah, they are hurting in the airline industry...what with getting new self check-in 'puters and all...)

"Welcome to American Airlines...the new Great Adventure ride Airplane Turbulence is based on ours and U.S.Air flights.  We plan to hire a ship coordinator and a DJ who will shout out during turbulence "Now wave your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care and if the plane dips low, just stand up and go "Oh yeah" "