oh..about 100 years ago!!, no really when I first moved to Maryland after my first year there, I was feeling kinda reflective. I was thinking about silly things I've said (which has been growing every year..) and silly things my friends and other people have said over the years. I decided to quote them all and send them in an email to my friends...the result was everyone reminding me of other quotes...WARNING...i MAY USE NAUGHTY LANGUAGE..
"Hi, welcome to Burger King, can I take it off?' -Me in 1996 taking an order on drive thru.
"Memories!! Like the corners of my eye!!!' -I swear that song went like that...
"Some say love...it is a fliver...(?)' Thank god I fixed that by the night of chorus concert.
"Yeah, well, I admire you, I mean I think you're...I've always thought...aba, ba..ba, Blah!" - I finally meet my demi god and that's what I have to say to him...I suck
"He gave me #$%^ me eyes." - I swear he did.
"The moose has swallowed the hawk!" - Me in 1989 during a play rehearsal...the line was backwords.
"Look, it has a comeoffable key." - I make my own words up.
"Are you kidding me?" - Me at 2 years old...
"Mom, this dancing thing just can't happen. It's cutting into my TV time." Me at 4 years old when my mom signed me up for dancing lessons.
"This work thing is cutting into my free time." -Kevin when he started his job at Aurora.
"Pure Puerto Rican Baby, you better never forget it." - I actually said that to my kindergarten teacher...it's wasn't totally true, but the bitch had to stop stereotyping...
"Oh I have my room key right here in my underwear."
"Oh my money. That's in my bra!!" -Jamie Lee Curtis is my role model.
"Wait, there's something wrong with my robe sleeves, they don't open all the way.." - Silly Kevin, your master's graduation robe sleeves are supposed to be like that...
"Santa rides in a 5.0..ho..ho..ho."
"This is my boyfriend, gr...uh, Noel." - Damn you Mike Clawson and Greg for calling my boyfriend Grassy Noel all the time...damn you to hell...
"Do you use cadavers in your class?" - Someone actually asked me that when I was a meeting planner for a wellness center.
"Do you get naked in your classes?' - Someone actually asked me that when I was a meeting planner for a wellness center.
"Is wellness one or two words?"
"I'm a really fast learner." - Walter, god rest his soul. May he be in the big marijuana patch in the sky...
"Noony-noony na-na." Greg and I loved to make things up...
"This is a checklist, not a yes or no list' -Ross, refusing to be assimilated to Burger King rules.
"Hello, this is STELLA SPEBACK!" - Rose your favorite customer!
"Is this a face that looks like it cares?' - Rose working at Halligan drugs, many, many years ago.
"Here Jess...you can eat this ice cream cone for me."-Shawn
"Jess...what went wrong?" - Bill Haber (I'm laughing hysterically as I type this)
"Jess...Congrads on your engagement! Mike told me all about it." - Bill Haber after Mike told him in 1997 that I was engaged...cruel, cruel people keeping that poor boy for me (how can I ever repay you?)
"How long did you and Jess actually date Bill? 10 days?? You are going nuts over a girl you dated for 10 days??? YOU'RE A LOSER!!" - Mike's sister being honest...brutally honest....
"So how does it feel to have your balls out of that vice grip?" Rose to Shawn after he broke up with Danielle.
"I just don't know why Jess won't talk to me anymore' - Neil, after a very, very bad date. Hey when you take a girl out, bring enough money...and don't be a pain in the ass!!
"What do you think the theme of that movie was?" - Noel
"Must you plague my life?" - Jesse Vas to Rose
"Don't think I always pick up strange girls in the valet, I mean...you know what I mean.."-Chris
"The lights are out and the nuns are on the loose. I must depart, bed call was just shouted in my ear (damn those nuns to the firey pits of hell as eternal damnation as lucifers bed mistresses!! - oh I'm bad) - CJ
"Look into my pants and tell me that you love me." -Greg and Ed, I can't figure out who gets credit for this.
"In other news, I'm going crazy. I am planning on building a clock tower for the campus, free of charge, just so I can climb up it with a high powered rifle and mow people down with bullets made of cheese (probably cheddar). I will then jump off the clock tower, wearing nothing but %$^^ me pumps, a beer hat, and a poodle skirt (mauve, I think). The skirt will billow out, and break my fall. As I leisurely drift towards the ground, I will call out to the militant lesbians and intervarsity christian fellowship members on campus, "Look into my pants and tell me that you love me." - Greg after way too many college exams.
"Remember, if you are in trouble, if no one else can help...and IF YOU CAN FIND HER...maybe you can call your LTG!! (or just give B.A. some drugged milk...I love it when a plan comes together.) - Greg
"Run, duck (a big one, with feathers)" - CJ
"Don't undermine my $65,000 education." - Laini
"The sin of the sin, of the cosin, sin equals the co tangent." - Me explaining Trig to Rose.
"Girls and potato salad are evil." - Rob
"Big, big wave chase me." - Rose
"I feel like a jerk." - Paul Hopple after he broke his collar bone.
"Maybe my brother will get a sympathy b.j." - Ryan Hopple after his brother broke his collar bone.
"God doesn't wake up this early in this house." Bianca when she was 10 and the Jehovah's witnesses came to her door.
"My compartments are full." - Teresa (You'll never live it down).
"You don't understand...I AM THE GREEN RANGER!!" - Shamefully that was me half asleep...
Things Greg Surman thinks about when he is bored:
1. Was it really rudolf's nose or ws it his simple chronic halitosis?
2. Why would you want to %^$^% a pump?
3. "you know..I've often thought about becoming a model..."
4. What kind of loser gets a CKI tatoo?
5. Noony, noony, na-na
6. Your kiwanis needs to be cleaned.
7. Teresa dancing on a table at chip 'n dale's stuffing bills in Bo Bo the cowboy's goody bag
Helpful advice from Kevin: When federal park police ask to search your car...you can say no.
"Sometimes I just site on the throne and fart"
"Give me your service hours or your underpants are going up the flagpole" - Greg
"Your name is Greg, you are 80 years old and you wear diapers"- Alex, age 4
"I took over the web browser with your site and
I wanted to masturbate to that picture" - Dennis
Real note I received from Greg during finals:
"...those damn (*&(*&& pink footed nymphs with their winged toasters and their preppy little fishnet garlic presses. Oh! and those beady little eyes!! They just stare at you like they're soooo coool and you're just a loser. A no good loser who wets his bed and makes paper airplanes out of toilet paper and flips out and talks to himself when they get too wet from the imitation kool aid that your parents gave you when you were a kid because they didn't love you. Oh sure they said that they loved me, they said that money was tight, but then how come dad got that solid gold emu when you were six. And how come those damn nymphs think they're soo speicalll with their little cheerleader outfits and ....oh....there's my medication..."