Christmas 2004

It's about a quarter to 2pm, I'm in my office...which is soon to not be my office cause for Christmas Kevin is setting up my office in the basement.  I'm trying to relax before company comes over...or trying to hide from my mother...I cannot decide...

One thing keeps dominating my day...the negative result I received on my pregnancy test this morning.  Sure it's the first month Kevin and I are officially 'trying'.  However, I'm disappointed.  My mother's whole family just got looked at and the women were pregnant.  My cousin's who do have kids weren't even trying...and here I am.  Can't even get it in the first shot.

What also sucks is Kevin and I are sick because my friend Heather was kind enough to share her germs when she was over last week.  Really sucky to have all this work to do and a sore throat.  But hey, one good thing came of it...Kevin is convinced I should stay home and raise our children because Heather runs a day care.  We don't even have kids in her day care and we are sharing the germs...so...thanks heather...but that doesn't mean you can ever come over again and share your germs with us...cause these sore throat really do suck...oh and you took my halls cough drops home with you...but you left your candy...you're lucky we're nice people cause Kevin wanted to eat it all...

Well enough of that...I think my biggest disappointment of today is that all I ever really sure I was going to be in my life was a mom.  I have really accomplished nothing else.  I graduated high school (whopee...), never finished my sci-fi novel...still working on my bachelors' (whopee, another teacher in America...yeah...joy).  And then I'm married to like 'Superman'.  Kevin has his bachelor's, masters, and soon his phd...in aerospace engineering.  He can play like...way too many instruments...without even trying...he does what he loves for a living...so why is he so devoted to me?  (I can't even tell you where my clarinet is...)  I was feeling like this all day...very disappointed in the fact that there is another thing in my life I have yet to accomplish when I picked up a favorite poem that I keep around the house...the long version is here:

http://www.anointedlinks.com/one_solitary_life.html

Don't mind the Jesus freaks links on it...but read the poem.  It made me realize.  You know...I haven't done alot with my life.  But I am alive and I do have time...and maybe I haven't done anything great in the eyes of like the whole world...but maybe there is one person out there that thinks that I've have.  Who that is I don't know...but it's the thought that comforting...and hey who needs morning sickness during student teacher right?....right?